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I Choose to Love Myself More Than I Love My Man
5 Reasons to Be with A Man Who Loves Your More
When A Relationship is Almost Right But Not Quite
The In and Out Man: Why Your Ex Man Keeps Coming Back
The Benefits of Settling Down With A Reformed Playboy
Is Marriage Really Hard? Married Folks Speak Out
How to Show Him You’ve Changed & Deserve a Second Chance
5 Moments That Shape a Woman’s Love Life
Good luck! Massive props for going out!
I recently learned that I have genital herpes. I don’t have any outward symptoms, but a blood test revealed that the virus is in my system, so there’s a possibility that someday those symptoms will surface. I can’t believe this is happening to me; I’ve had very few partners in my lifetime, and I’ve always had protected sex. My doctor told me that you can get herpes just from having skin-to-skin contact with someone who has a sore. I’m devastated by this news; I feel so dirty and can’t believe that after years of being so careful, I’m now forced to carry this disease for the rest of my life. I’m wondering when and how I should let future partners know that I have this. I don’t want to scare potential lovers off by telling them prematurely, but given that it’s pretty easy to get, I want to be fair. I hate that I have to have this conversation with anyone, but I want to do it right, so I appreciate any advice you guys can offer.—BG, Phoenix, Arizona
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
My mom always used to ask me, “Where is it written that life is fair?” The fact that you have genital herpes is not fair, it’s just not. I can tell from your letter that you’re a kind and considerate person. But bad things can happen to good people. Many people feel like they did something bad when they get a sexually transmitted disease. Illness does not discriminate. It’s important for you to remember that you were, are, and will be a good person, even with genital herpes.
Don’t let your diagnosis dictate your self-worth. You are not dirty and bad. I suggest you speak with a counselor who can help you regain your sense of self. Once you feel like you’re a good person, you’ll be better able to share your news with a potential partner. I believe it’s more about how you have the conversation than when. If you tell someone and you come from a place of low self-esteem, that person will sense that. If you tell someone and you frame it that you’re telling that person because you care about yourself and him/her, that person will listen. I cannot guarantee that the other person will jump into your arms right away, but he or she won’t run away, either. And anyone who does is not worth your time anyway. To do what’s right, BG, start by remembering that you are worthy of love. Then when you find someone you care about, you’ll be in the best position to talk about it.
Slut Shamed and Dumped Because of a Past Hookup
I Choose to Love Myself More Than I Love My Man
5 Reasons to Be with A Man Who Loves Your More
When A Relationship is Almost Right But Not Quite
The In and Out Man: Why Your Ex Man Keeps Coming Back
The Benefits of Settling Down With A Reformed Playboy
Is Marriage Really Hard? Married Folks Speak Out
How to Show Him You’ve Changed & Deserve a Second Chance
5 Moments That Shape a Woman’s Love Life
Good luck! Massive props for going out!
I recently learned that I have genital herpes. I don’t have any outward symptoms, but a blood test revealed that the virus is in my system, so there’s a possibility that someday those symptoms will surface. I can’t believe this is happening to me; I’ve had very few partners in my lifetime, and I’ve always had protected sex. My doctor told me that you can get herpes just from having skin-to-skin contact with someone who has a sore. I’m devastated by this news; I feel so dirty and can’t believe that after years of being so careful, I’m now forced to carry this disease for the rest of my life. I’m wondering when and how I should let future partners know that I have this. I don’t want to scare potential lovers off by telling them prematurely, but given that it’s pretty easy to get, I want to be fair. I hate that I have to have this conversation with anyone, but I want to do it right, so I appreciate any advice you guys can offer.—BG, Phoenix, Arizona
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
My mom always used to ask me, “Where is it written that life is fair?” The fact that you have genital herpes is not fair, it’s just not. I can tell from your letter that you’re a kind and considerate person. But bad things can happen to good people. Many people feel like they did something bad when they get a sexually transmitted disease. Illness does not discriminate. It’s important for you to remember that you were, are, and will be a good person, even with genital herpes.
Don’t let your diagnosis dictate your self-worth. You are not dirty and bad. I suggest you speak with a counselor who can help you regain your sense of self. Once you feel like you’re a good person, you’ll be better able to share your news with a potential partner. I believe it’s more about how you have the conversation than when. If you tell someone and you come from a place of low self-esteem, that person will sense that. If you tell someone and you frame it that you’re telling that person because you care about yourself and him/her, that person will listen. I cannot guarantee that the other person will jump into your arms right away, but he or she won’t run away, either. And anyone who does is not worth your time anyway. To do what’s right, BG, start by remembering that you are worthy of love. Then when you find someone you care about, you’ll be in the best position to talk about it.